THE LICENSE AGREEMENT

The other day I was sitting in a bar when the guy next to me asked for a 
light.  I thought to myself, Hey, there is a market here.  I just need 
to figure out how to exploit it.  So I said to the guy,  "I can't give 
you a light without some compensation for my time and effort, not to 
mention my flint, my steel and my lighter fluid.  So, I will, 
for $0.25, licence to you the right to burn one of your cigarettes."  

The guy was a little drunk and probably thought that I was too, so he 
gave me a quarter and I lit his cigarette.  As I was pocketing the 
quarter, to my horror and dismay, this guy's buddy took the cigarette 
I had just lit and used it to light his own cigarette, in clear violation 
of the licence agreement!  This person had stolen my fire!  

AND, before I could point out the violation to this thief, he passed 
the lit cigarette on to other patrons of the bar.  Soon everyone in 
the bar was benefiting from my fire.  I had no recourse but to try 
to enforce the contract, but as I was going from patron to patron 
trying to explain that they had stolen from me and that they owed me 
25 cents each, the bouncer threw me out of the bar and suggested that 
I insert my lighter in a place that I consider anatomically difficult 
if not impossible.  I guess that there will always be thieves.  

At least you and I have the pleasure of ranting about them.

Frank Ross