From Rick Groszkiewicz:

      AIRCRAFT MAINTENANCE REPORTS

 Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by US Air Force
 pilots and the replies from the maintenance crews. "Squawks" are 
 problem listings that pilots generally leave for maintenance crews.

     Problem:	"Left inside main tire almost needs replacement"
     Solution:	"Almost replaced left inside main tire."
 	
     Problem:	"Test flight OK, except autoland very -rough."
     Solution:	"Autoland not installed on this aircraft."
 
     Problem  #1 : "#2 Propeller seeping prop fluid."
     Solution #1 : "#2 Propeller seepage normal."
     Problem  #2 : "#1, # 3, and #4 propellers lack normal seepage."

     Problem:   "The autopilot doesn't."
     Solution:  "It does now."

     Problem:  "Something loose 1n cockpit."
     Solution: "Something tightened in cockpit."

     Problem:  "Evidence of hydraulic leak on right main landing gear."
     Solution: "Evidence removed."
 
     Problem: "DME volume unbelievably loud."
     Solution: "Volume set to more believable level."

     Problem:  "Dead bugs on windshield."
     Solution: "Live bugs on order."

     Problem:  "Autopilot 1n altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent."
     Solution: "Cannot reproduce problem on ground."

     Problem:  "IFF inoperative."
     Solution: "IFF operative in ON mode."

     Problem:  "Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick."
     Solution: "That's what they're there for."

     Problem:  "Number three engine missing."
     Solution: "Engine found on right wing after brief search."